Learn to Co-Parent Successfully After Divorce
April 15, 2016 by West Coast ADR
If you are in the midst of a divorce, or have been through one and are coping with the aftereffects, it’s imperative to work through your co-parenting issues for the sake of the kids. Even parents who go through a collaborative divorce can have them.
Below are some things to keep in mind as you struggle to navigate the parenting shoals of your kids’ post-divorce world.
— Put the kids’ needs first. They are especially vulnerable now, so make sure that their attachment and security needs are met. Help them forge a path to the new normal by reassuring them that all of you will get through this and nothing will ever make Daddy or Mommy stop loving them.
— Learn to separate and cope with your own crises so that you can be a better, more involved parent. If you are constantly upset and anxiety-ridden, these feelings will spill over to your children and make them insecure as well. Get counseling if necessary to learn positive coping skills.
— Give the kids the gift of continuity and stability. Establish limits and be clear about expectations. Consistency matters. While there will be individual differences in minor rules in both parents’ homes, come to accord with your ex on “red rules” dealing with shared core values.
— Keep new elements out of your life in the very beginning. While you may be ready for a hot new romance, it could devastate the kids. Allow them time to adjust.
— Work with your ex when big decisions have to be made. Allow your children to see that it is possible to interact with your ex civilly and calmly. That is a life lesson they may one day need.
— Remain respectful of your ex, at least around the kids. Don’t put them in the position of being a go-between or having to defend their other parent.
When all options have been tried and there are still sticking points, you may want consider returning to court for modification of the court order if necessary.
Source: Huffington Post, “4 Reasons Why Co-Parenting Post Divorce Matters More Than Ever,” Dana Westreich Hirt, April 11, 2016
If you are in the midst of a divorce, or have been through one and are coping with the aftereffects, it’s imperative to work through your co-parenting issues for the sake of the kids. Even parents who go through a collaborative divorce can have them.
Below are some things to keep in mind as you struggle to navigate the parenting shoals of your kids’ post-divorce world.
— Put the kids’ needs first. They are especially vulnerable now, so make sure that their attachment and security needs are met. Help them forge a path to the new normal by reassuring them that all of you will get through this and nothing will ever make Daddy or Mommy stop loving them.
— Learn to separate and cope with your own crises so that you can be a better, more involved parent. If you are constantly upset and anxiety-ridden, these feelings will spill over to your children and make them insecure as well. Get counseling if necessary to learn positive coping skills.
— Give the kids the gift of continuity and stability. Establish limits and be clear about expectations. Consistency matters. While there will be individual differences in minor rules in both parents’ homes, come to accord with your ex on “red rules” dealing with shared core values.
— Keep new elements out of your life in the very beginning. While you may be ready for a hot new romance, it could devastate the kids. Allow them time to adjust.
— Work with your ex when big decisions have to be made. Allow your children to see that it is possible to interact with your ex civilly and calmly. That is a life lesson they may one day need.
— Remain respectful of your ex, at least around the kids. Don’t put them in the position of being a go-between or having to defend their other parent.
When all options have been tried and there are still sticking points, you may want consider returning to court for modification of the court order if necessary.
Source: Huffington Post, “4 Reasons Why Co-Parenting Post Divorce Matters More Than Ever,” Dana Westreich Hirt, April 11, 2016