Legal issues that fall under the family law category are often very personal matters. Some people who are facing these types of issues want to avoid a long and drawn out court process. In those cases, mediation might be the answer to the issue as long as the parties can work together with some assistance to get things all sorted out.
We know that the thought of having to deal with complex family law issues is one that is difficult. We can help you learn about how mediation can help you resolve the issues that are divided now. If you do opt to go through mediation, you should make sure that you understand what the process entails.
The first thing that you have to do is to agree that mediation is the right choice for your case. From there, you will complete an intake form and provide background information. The next step in the process is to discuss documentation that is part of the case. At this point, it is vital that you provide information that is complete and accurate since a good portion of the mediation process hinges on honesty.
Once all documentation is turned in, you and your ex will need to discuss who is going to be included in the mediation. Do you need a mental health professional, a financial specialist or any other professionals? If so, now is the time to get that agreed upon. From there, you will sign a mediation agreement.
At this point, we will begin the mediation process. The mediator discusses the disputed matters and gives legal information that is applicable. Once you and your ex agree on the necessary points in the mediation, you will sign an agreement. Before you sign that agreement, you must scrutinize it with your attorney.
When you are going through a divorce that involves children, you might end up using mediation to sort out what is going to work for you and your ex regarding the child custody matters. There are several benefits associated with mediation. If you go through mediation, you should make sure that you are ready for the process.
How do the children benefit from mediation?
Children can benefit from mediation because their individual needs can be addressed. If the children are able to express their views, the children can even have a say in the arrangements. The children also have the benefit of seeing that adults can work together even under less-than-ideal circumstances.
How should I prepare?
The most important thing you can do before the mediation begins is to remember that you must have an open mind. You might have some issues that you feel strongly about, but mediation is only possible if you and your ex are willing and able to compromise on the issues at hand. It is usually best for you to have several different solutions in mind when you are heading to mediation.
What else should I know about mediation?
Mediation sessions can get tense at times. In those times, you should be sure to remember that putting your child first is the key to making mediation work.
If you have questions about mediation or need to find out about specific concerns, you should get the answers you need prior to the start of the mediation. Being informed about the entire process might make it a bit easier as you go through it.
Source: Parenting After Divorce, “Tips to Prepare for Child Custody Mediation,” Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D., accessed March 18, 2016
There are several ways that the outcome of a divorce can be decided. In some cases, the two parties might go through the mediation process to determine if they are able to come up with a divorce settlement. There are several different factors that can affect the outcome of the mediation. One of these factors is your demeanor during the mediation process.
You might not think that your demeanor really matters, but negotiation techniques that are used during mediation are the same as those used during a business negotiation. You can’t go into the process wearing your emotions on your sleeve. Instead, you have to remain level headed and calm throughout the proceedings in British Columbia.
That isn’t to say that it is easy to keep control of your emotions during the process. Often, it isn’t all that easy. Still, it is important for you to remember that anger and rage can easily backfire on you during a mediation session.
The key to making mediation work is being able to communicate. This means that you and your ex must be willing and able to talk things out. There is a mediator present to help, but only you and your ex will be able to decide on the parameters of the settlement.
One way that you can help to keep control of your emotions during mediation is to properly prepare. Understand the laws that pertain to your case. Know what your options are. Be willing to compromise. You should decide ahead of time how much you are willing to compromise on each point so that you have a starting point for the session.
Source: The Huffington Post, “Your Demeanor Can Affect Your Divorce Mediation,” Diane L. Danois, accessed March 31, 2016
Divorce mediation is built on a spirit of cooperation and a desire on the part of both parties to work toward a low-conflict separation. While this can be extremely helpful for both the parties’ and any children’s well-being, it’s not always easy. Sometimes people go in to a mediation thinking they will be able to work out an agreement but then find that their negative emotions take over.
Feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment and betrayal are all common during a divorce, but any time these feelings start to come into your settlement discussions, it can have a negative effect and decrease the chances of coming to an agreement. One thing that can especially hold mediation attempts back is spying on your ex’s communications and behaviors online.
Many couples are privy to each other’s online social media accounts and passwords while the relationship is still intact. If one party does not change the passwords, it can be very tempting for the other to log in in an attempt to see what the other person is doing or what they are saying about the divorce.
While the law is still catching up to the increase in technology and social media and how that can affect divorce proceedings, it’s best to avoid spying on your ex through these online means. In addition to making it more challenging to come to a settlement agreement in mediation, it may also be illegal.
If you believe that your ex is engaging in behaviors that may have a very real impact on your divorce settlement, such as hiding assets, it’s best to talk to your attorney. This allows you to ensure any potential evidence is collected through legal means and able to be presented in a British Columbia court if needed.
Source: FindLaw.com, “Is spying on your spouse legal?,” accessed April 20, 2016
In previous blog posts, we discussed some of the factors that can hurt mediation attempts. If you are going through mediation for a child custody matter, you should make sure that you keep your child at the center of the process. You should not allow your child to be used as a pawn in the mediation.
Before you begin the mediation process, you have to consider a few points that must be addressed. Thinking about these can help you prepare.
Two of the most important points to consider are where the child will live and how much contact each parent will have with the child. This is often a source of contention since both parents usually want their child with them.
In some cases, it is appropriate to split time evenly between both parents. This might be the case if you and your ex still live close to each other. If the child is in school, it is important for the child to make it to school daily. This can become a consideration during the child custody mediation since the location of each parent’s home could impact the ability to do so.
Another area that must be decided upon is who will make decisions about how the child is raised. This can include matters such as health care and religious experiences. It can also include decisions about the child’s social life and education. Again, this is something that can be split between the parents.
Each point is an area that can be compromised upon. In many cases, coming to an agreement on these matters will involve some back and forth. Your mediator can help keep the process on track.
Mediation as it relates to divorce and family law is becoming increasingly common. One of the main reasons for this is that parents are trying to find a way to ease the stress and conflict associated with traditional divorces. If you aren’t sure if mediation is right for you, the following considerations may help.
- You don’t have to be on excellent terms with your partner to benefit from mediation. Many people have a picture of two very friendly people amicably parting ways as the only way mediation will work. While this may certainly make it easier, couples who have communication issues can also use mediation successfully. The mediator’s job is to make sure that communication stays civil and one party does not dominate the discussions, making it much easier for the parties to come to an agreement.
- The mediator is not making the final decisions. Many people get confused between arbitration and mediation. In mediation, the mediator’s role is to simply be a facilitator. The mediator does not make decisions about what is fair or side with one party.
- Mediation can offer more privacy than traditional divorce methods. Many filings related to a divorce are considered public record. With mediation, however, the only filing is the final agreement, which means any accusations are left out of the official court records.
Many people are interested in using mediation to get through their divorce or custody issues but are worried it may not work for them. If mediation sounds like something you’d like to consider, setting up a meeting with a lawyer to go over your options and what to expect is the first step.
Source: Mediate.com, “Challenging The Myths Surrounding Divorce Mediation,” Dr. Lynne C. Halem, accessed May 27, 2016
Most parents want what is best for their child. When a child’s parents aren’t in a relationship, tension about how to raise the child can occur. Unfortunately, working through that tension is often very difficult. Using mediation to try to come to an agreement about how a child custody agreement should be handled is one way that you and your ex can try to get things done.
The good thing about using mediation in a child custody case is that the decisions about the child are being made by the two people who really know the child. You don’t have to rely on someone who doesn’t know the child to make the choices.
We know that trying to work out the finer points of a child custody agreement can be a stressful situation. It is imperative that you make sure you aren’t letting your emotions get in the way of making sound decisions for your child. Instead, you have to put your child’s interests and desires before your own.
Another positive point about using mediation is that your issues are likely going to be resolved quicker than if you had to wait on the court to decide. This can help your child since everything isn’t up in limbo for a prolonged period of time.
Mediation isn’t something that is always going to be easy. In the end, it is usually worth the work because you are likely to end up with a child custody agreement that will work for your child. It also shows your child that you and your ex can work together to put him or her first.
The first thing that you have to remember is that you must mentally prepare for the process. This isn’t a fast process. It isn’t something that is always going to go your way. Instead, you have to prepare for a long divorce process that will be mentally taxing.
Some mediations are also emotionally difficult. If you remember that the things you are dividing are just things, you will likely be able to remove your emotions from the process and make things easier. If you are dealing with child custody issues, remember that your child is the person who matters.
Make sure that you are carefully considering all major decisions. In some cases, you might need to make it clear that you need more time to consider points. Make sure that you seek out professional help, such as help from financial advisors, when it comes to major decisions, such as how to split retirement accounts, assets and debts.
Ultimately, the mediation process is just a means to an end. That end, the divorce, is what you should focus on. Once the divorce is finalized, you can move on with your life and exit the limbo that you were in during the divorce and mediation process.
Source: CBS News, “Divorce financial planning: 8 tips to get what you need in a divorce,” Robert Pagliarini, accessed June 24, 2016
When your relationship in British Colombia is ending, it’s likely easy to focus on the emotional side of things. However, it’s also important to take a deep breath and focus more rationally on the financial side of the split. When you don’t do this, expenses can often spiral out of control and the breakup could be costlier than it needs to be. To keep those costs from becoming overwhelming, you never want to:
- Go into the divorce without any sort of plan.
- Fail to consider all of your options, including mediation.
- Act out of anger, perhaps doing things you’ll regret or saying things you’ll wish you could take back.
- Ignore the legal advice that you get because of your emotions.
- Think that the goal of the legal process is to fix your relationship with your significant other; the real goal is to look out for your best interests during the split.
- Throw away all of your important documents to symbolize your fresh start.
- Try to ruin the relationship that your spouse — or your ex has with your kids.
- Concentrate on yourself and value only your needs instead of your children’s.
- Go before a judge when you and your spouse could have come to an agreement through mediation.
- Refuse to make any compromises.
These are just a few examples of mistakes that can be made, but they show how important it is not to act out of anger or despair. Take this time to focus on yourself and seek the best possible legal outcome. Your emotions will fade over time, and you don’t want to make legal mistakes in the heat of the moment that can’t ever be changed.
Source: Canadian Bar Association, “Breaking Up,” accessed July 07, 2016
Divorce is already a challenging process, but those problems can be exacerbated when children are involved. British Columbia residents are keenly aware of how difficult child custody agreements can be to hammer out in a courtroom setting. Thankfully, several litigation alternatives exist to help parents agree to custody terms, including mediation.
In child custody cases, both parents are entitled to raise issues as the custody agreement is in the process of being constructed. They are also entitled to challenge changes made to this agreement at a later time. Once a parent makes the decision to issue a challenge, the other parent is required to respond. This can happen in one of several arenas, each with their own benefits and drawbacks.
The principal options include litigation, meaning going to court, a collaborative divorce, direct negotiation with representation outside of the courtroom and mediation. Mediation actually involves meeting with a neutral third party chosen by the parties to negotiate and resolve issues between those parties. While both parties are still represented by their lawyers, mediation offers a means of resolving thorny divorce issues without resorting to litigation.
Ultimately, no couple undergoing divorce wants the decisions made during the process to negatively impact their children. In British Columbia, it can be very helpful for both parties to determine whether mediation, litigation or a collaborative divorce would be the best fit for their situation. In every case, both parties will have the benefit of a separate family law attorney to help make child custody decisions that reflect the best interests of the child or children involved in the divorce proceedings.
Source: thespec.com, “Separated parent: Do I have to attend mediation with former spouse?“, Gary Direnfeld, July 4, 2016
