Apps Can Help with Co-Parenting
Looking for ways to make co-parenting easier in British Columbia? Hoping to reduce conflict between you and your spouse? Below are a few apps that may be able to help.
Chore Monster
The focus of this app is to make your kids want to do their chores, making the work into a game. This is helpful if one parent is good at putting his or her foot down and making the children do their chores, but the other parent isn’t.
HopSkipDrive
Like Uber and Lyft, this is a ride-sharing app. However, unlike those two, which often target adults and business professionals, this one is made to help your kids get a ride. If it’s hard—or impossible—to get the kids to all of their activities when you have them alone, this can give you the assistance you need.
Google Calendar
An online calendar is often far easier to use than any other option. You can schedule out your day, set up reminders, and share the schedule with your ex. This helps the two of you plan out what you need to do regarding your kids, even if you rarely see each other in real life.
SplitWise
Money is a big issue with divorced parents, and this app helps keep track of it. If you have to pay for something that your spouse should help with, you can use the app to record it and figure out who owes what. Having an electronic record of all of this can be very nice if there is a dispute.
When figuring out your co-parenting plan, be sure you know all of your legal rights.
Source: Parent Herald, “Co-Parenting Technology: 5 Useful Apps For Divorced Parents,” Kristine Walker, May 04, 2016
Turn First to Alternate Dispute Resolution
Slugging it out in court with your ex wastes valuable resources and is stressful for all concerned. Most importantly, the kids will likely be adversely affected by the acrimony and animosity between their parents.
But there is a better way to settle differences involving child custody and other disputes of family law. The passage of British Columbia’s Family Law Act leaves the door open to alternative dispute resolution, wherein the opposing parties first attempt to resolve their differences instead of immediately heading to the courts to litigate their matters before the court.
Not every case will be a good fit for ADR. In circumstances where there have been incidents of domestic violence or one party routinely bullies the other, ADR would be inappropriate due to the possibility of undue influence being imposed on one party by the other.
However, when the two parties are able to remain civil with one another and are able to focus on the issues and consider the best interests of any minor children, this method of dispute resolution can be ideal.
Not only can it be faster and cheaper than a long, drawn-out court battle, resolving differences through negotiations and mediation can preserve what remains of relationships between divorcing spouses. Especially when there are children from the union, the parties will still have to deal with one another for years to come at family events and childhood milestones. When all parties are able to act respectfully, it can be a much more convivial environment for the kids.
Our lawyers seek to utilise this ADR process whenever possible, yet always remain prepared to litigate issues that defy resolution. If you are struggling to resolve family law matters, we can assist you.
Can Collaborative Divorce Make the Transition Easier?
Getting through a divorce with your sanity intact can be very difficult. There are many decisions to be made and the courts to deal with. All of this is on top of trying to process the emotional implications of the end of the marriage and what this means for your daily life moving forward.
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed by both your emotions and your responsibilities. If you’re used to having two incomes or a spouse to take on a share of the household responsibilities, post-divorce is a big adjustment. It’s important to check in with yourself regularly to make sure you’re getting your needs met and taking breaks to relax and take part in the activities you enjoy.
While it’s tempting to try to tackle your divorce and life afterwards as quickly and intensely as possible, this can lead to burnout and a breakdown. Make sure you’re not burying your feelings and grief over the divorce in an attempt to be “tough.” Acknowledging and dealing with these feelings is an important step in healing. However, the very best thing you can do for yourself and your children during this time is to keep things as calm as possible, and this is where a collaborative divorce can help.
By its very nature, the collaborative process takes a great deal of the conflict out of the situation and makes it easier for you to get through the divorce without more stress than absolutely necessary. Many divorcing couples — and their children — are able to benefit from a more cooperative process, and you may also end up with a quicker, less costly divorce in the end.
Source: Mindful, “Parenting Mindfully through Divorce,” Erika Prafder, accessed June 30, 2016
Collaborative Law Can Help One Avoid Unpleasant Litigation
Getting divorced means making choices. If one has already made the choice to change his or her life, there is still the need to decide what is wanted out of the separation, such as how assets will be divided, matters related to the care of children and the method to be used during divorce proceedings. An array of options exists today for anyone going through a divorce in British Columbia that many may not have considered. Collaborative law can allow someone to achieve his or her goal of independence on terms that suit both the individual and his or her partner.
If a legal separation is being considered, thoughts of a protracted and expensive court battle are likely present also. The truth is, an exit strategy that fits the particulars of the situation can be chosen, and it does not need to be messy. Perhaps surprisingly, the majority of divorces are handled without the use of legal counsel. When assets are limited or uncomplicated, especially if there are no children involved, some fairly simple paperwork may be all that stands between two people and the freedom they want. However, if simplicity does not describe one’s situation, there are still choices available that do not include a courtroom.
If the reasons for ending a marriage include high-risk factors, such as physical or verbal abuse, a quick exit is the most desirable. Consulting with local resources that have experience dealing with such cases, like support groups, a family law attorney or even the police, are often the best way to start. These resources can help get the protection needed to safely leave a relationship.
For more amicable separations, taking advantage of the process of collaborative law is an excellent consideration. As the term implies, it has the weight of law behind it, meaning whatever decisions are made are legally binding. But unlike litigation, it is a cooperative process in which lawyers and consultants work together with a family to make a clean break that takes to heart the best interests of everyone involved.
For many, getting divorced is not an easy choice to make. This will be just one of many difficult decisions. But beginning with the decision to work through a divorce with an alternative dispute resolution firm in British Columbia will make all future choices much simpler.
Source: commdiginews.com, “Choose the kind of divorce best suited to your needs“, Myra Fleischer, July 18, 2016
When Divorce Season Hits, Seek Shelter with Collaborative Law
When a couple makes the decision to separate, the spouses may in fact be the victims of a form of a seasonal disorder. A study conducted in Washington, whose residents experience seasons very similar to those in British Columbia, suggests spring and summer are key times for divorce. Collaborative law is probably not the first thing on the mind of those who get caught up in the moment, but it perhaps should be.
Researchers from the University of Washington analyzed data on divorce filings between 2001 and 2015 in the state of Washington. Intriguingly, they found a correlation between certain seasons and a spike in the number of divorces. Twice a year, in the months of March and August, there is a marked upturn in the number of filings.
The sociologists conducting the study believe the seasonal spikes may be related to what they term “domestic ritual.” This is a reference to yearly recurring family-oriented events, such as vacations and holidays. During these times, emotions and expectations often run high, even when past events have led to disappointment.
With the annual return of these ritual events, couples in trouble may believe a time for renewal is at hand. When the winter holidays turn sour, however, disenchanted husbands or wives may spend the next few weeks getting their affairs in order before filing for divorce, hence the spike in March. And if it is the summer holidays that fail to deliver a new beginning, there often follows a scramble to end a marriage before children go back to school.
Science seems to be backing up the notion that when emotions run hot they can run roughshod over rational thought. However, anyone considering divorce should be thinking things through before taking the next step. Rather than being swept up in the heat of the moment, couples would be better served by calm and cooperative approaches to ending situations that are no longer working. Enlisting the help of a law group experienced with collaborative law in British Columbia is a rational first step, no matter the season.
Source: Medical Daily, “Is There A Divorce Season? Study Finds Divorce Filings Rise After Winter And Summer Holidays“, Suman Varandani, August 21, 2016
Jon and Kate: How Collaborative Law Might Have Helped
Celebrities seem to exist in a world of their own, and it is a world fraught with messy divorces. Tabloids thrive on these stories, while most people barely bat an eye in surprise or spend much time worrying about them. The truth is that these are all real people going through real challenges, many of which are not unlike those faced by average British Columbia couples. For an excellent example that is relatively easy to understand, consider the lives of former reality TV couple Jon and Kate Gosselin and then ponder what collaborative law could have done for them.
The couple who became famous for the series “Jon & Kate Plus 8” divorced in 2009. Kate remained with the children and briefly continued the television program. In recent days, Kate has claimed that her ex-husband began acting erratically shortly before their split, spending money on vehicles and staying out late at night.
On August 24, 2016, Jon spoke out about his ex-wife’s allegations. Speaking in his own defence, Jon claimed that the delay between the occurrence of events and the airing of the show made it seem as if he had been acting selfishly before the divorce, when in fact the divorce had already happened. He now has a strained relationship with his children, who he admits he rarely sees since the split.
Few people will ever understand the unique pressures faced by families in the limelight. There are, however, lessons that can be learned from stories like these. For any couple going through a break up, collaborative law and alternative dispute resolution offer the chance for a couple to split amicably and set terms agreeable to both parties. By working with a law firm focused on family law, men and women in British Columbia who are ending their marriages may be able to avoid the unfortunate pitfalls into which so many seem to fall.
Source: etcanada.com, “Kate Gosselin Says Jon Changed ‘Overnight,’ Praises Daughter Mady For Speaking Out Against Him“, August 26, 2016
Ex-Spouses Can be Friends; Collaborative Law Can be the Start
When some couples find their marriages are no longer working out, they may make the difficult decision to go their separate ways. And though marriage wasn’t right for these men and women, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are entirely incompatible. Many ex-husbands and ex-wives in British Columbia continue to be friends after divorce, and collaborative law might be just the springboard for this kind of relationship.
Ex-couples that have successfully transitioned into friends often cite certain strategies they employed. Keeping a sense of humour about the situation has proven for many to be a key to avoiding negativity. Forgiveness is also essential for those moving forward in a positive manner. Many have stated that sharing responsibility for the breakdown of the marriage helps them avoid falling into the trap of laying blame.
Those with children find it helpful to focus on what’s best for the kids. Parenting as partners is healthier for all involved than doing it as adversaries. Perhaps most important of all is to choose the life you want to lead after divorce and then see it though. Choosing friendship, or at least cooperation, over dispute and despair may pave the way for a happier life.
A contested and litigated divorce proceeding is probably not the best way to start along this new road of post-marriage partnership. Collaborative law offers couples seeking separation a chance to settle their affairs amicably, without entering a courtroom battlefield. Men and women who have made the decision to divorce, but wish to start their new life on the right foot might wish to consult with a family law group here in British Columbia.
Source: The Huffington Post, “These Exes Became Friendly After Divorce. Here’s How They Did It.“, Carolin Lehmann, Sept. 12, 2016
Collaborative Law Might Prevent Years of Child Custody Litigation
A litigated divorce in British Columbia, or anywhere in Canada, can become a messy situation. Even couples that were once on the same page, may find themselves in heated and protracted struggles to get what each individual wants. Child custody arrangements are often the most hotly contested decisions made during and after a separation. A Canadian couple that opted for legal battles over collaborative law has been mired in the courts for three years as they seek to establish a home for their two children.
Married in Toronto in 2000, the couple moved overseas in 2001. Their children were born abroad in 2002 and 2005. Though primarily raised outside the country, the children are citizens of Canada, only. The couple separated in 2011, and temporary custody of the children was granted to the father.
In April 2013, the mother brought the children from Germany to Canada to attend school. The father gave his written permission, and temporary custody was passed to the mother. The father tried to bring the children back in 2014, but the mother refused. An Ontario Superior Court ruled the children’s principal residence was in Germany, and an order was made for them to return.
A Divisional Court overturned that decision, determining that the principal residence had changed, and that there was no violation of the Hague Convention, a treaty dealing with international child abduction. In 2016, three years after they came to Canada, an Appeals Court ordered that they be sent back to Germany, thus reversing the Superior Court’s reversal. The court determined the visit to Canada was supposed to be temporary, and that the children’s true home was in Germany.
This lengthy legal process has no doubt been very hard on the parents and the children. The legal system strives but struggles to balance the wording of the laws with the needs of all those involved in child custody cases. Choosing collaborative law over the British Columbia courts may provide couples who are willing to work together a way to settle their differences in a less stressful and time-consuming manner.
Source: National Post, “Canadian kids must go back to Germany where father lives, court rules“, Colin Perkel, Sept. 14, 2016
Level the Playing Field With Collaborative Law
It is the duty of an attorney to represent a client to the best of his or her ability. This means using whatever knowledge and skill one possesses to best advantage, and the needs and wants of the opposing counsel are not the first priority. The annulment proceedings of a high-power Canadian couple highlight the possible impact of such a situation and make a compelling case for the use of collaborative law, whether the separation is here in British Columbia or anywhere across the country.
Eleanor McCain, an heiress to the McCain Foods company, filed for an annulment to end her brief marriage to Jeff Melanson, the former CEO of the Toronto Symphony Orchestra, in March 2016. More than half a dozen lawyers are now involved in the separation, and it has become a bitter dispute between the former spouses. But the focus of McCain’s fight is currently on Melanson’s attorney.
His lawyer has previously been involved with three McCain family divorces, and McCain believes he may be privy to private and potentially damaging information about her gained from the early cases. Specifically, she and her team are concerned about testimony given by psychologists and mediators during her last divorce, a divorce in which he represented her now ex-husband, Greg David. Her lawyers are arguing to have him removed from the case, and a recent hearing ran for eight and a half hours.
With so much attention being given to her estranged husband’s lawyer, no progress is being made on the annulment itself. It seems likely that a large amount of time and money will be expended on this process. And though it is an extreme situation, it illustrates the unpleasant path that a litigated separation can take when former spouses take out their frustrations on each other. The alternative route for couples in British Columbia who wish to part ways is to agree to use collaborative law, and consult with a family law firm to help them settle matters together.
Source: National Post, “McCain heiress wants to disqualify husband’s “nightmare” lawyer because she fears him, court told“, Victor Ferreira, Sept. 29, 2016
Parental Alienation: Collaborative Law Can Help you Avoid It
Divorce does not always bring out the best in people. It may be that a couple has decided to end their marriage for unpleasant reasons, and they may find they resent one another. In cases like these, ex-spouses will sometimes use anything at their disposal to upset their former partner, including their own children. The use of collaborative law, a practice gaining popularity in British Columbia, might be the key to avoiding such an unfortunate occurrence.
When a divorce turns into a battle, sometimes the war continues long after the litigation has ended. Some parents will even use their children to hurt their ex-spouse. By persuading the child to believe the other parent is not a good person, or doesn’t love them as much, a situation known as ‘parental alienation’ can be created. In cases of parental alienation, the child or children have little to no positive contact with one parent.
The phenomenon was first described in detail by a forensic psychiatrist in the 1980s. It is, in effect, a kind of brainwashing and many consider it to be a form of child abuse. Sadly, it is far too common. Statistics from the United States show that parental alienation affects 13 percent of parents. Potential negative outcomes for both the parent and the child include anxiety disorders and depression.
While men and women who are about to divorce are seldom in a happy place, that doesn’t necessarily mean proceedings need to be uncivil. If differences can be set aside, at least in part, it may be possible to work out a divorce solution in a non-combative environment. Choosing collaborative law, and the support of a family law firm that thoroughly understands British Columbia divorce proceedings, may help avoid a heartbreaking future for a family.
Source: Parent Herald, “Parental Alienation [LATEST NEWS]: Why It Is Time To End The Tragic Reality Of A Parent’s Psychological Manipulation Of Children“, KJ Williams, Oct. 8, 2016